Steven Seagal vs huskies and Lego hair

Love him or hate him, Steven Seagal tries hard, he tries really hard. It's probably fair to say the actor/producer/director/martial artist/guitarist/activist/deputy sheriff isn't blessed with cinema goers racing to see his latest flick. But like I said, the guy puts in the effort, albeit taking himself maybe a little too seriously.

Back at the peak of his career he could have really excelled. As a former Navy Seal taking on a group of mercenaries on a US navy battleship, Under Seige was his first big break. The film made him a household name, a fresh face in the celluloid industry that had people stopping and paying attention to this unknown and mysterious martial arts guru. But without sounding too harsh here, Seagal's choice of future films were like going on a second date with someone and realising the charisma and charm that was evident the first date is all but gone, leaving you thinking "what the heck did I see in them before?". Not that I'm saying Seagal was a romantic fascination or even a pin up stud to me, but audiences and myself had sobered up and promptly lost interest.

The studios were thrilled with the box office success of Under Seige, offering Seagal the sequel Under Seige 2. Seagal agreed, but only on the condition he could make and produce a film about Eskimos in Alaska. Eskimos? The studios didn't quite share the same enthusiasm, but Seagal was adamant and the film On Deadly Ground went ahead, despite skepticism from critiques and studios alike. To them it was simply career suicide. It was the equivalent of Jake Gyllenhaal deciding to make 'Teletubbies: The Movie' after the success of Brokeback Mountain.

However On Deadly Ground is so bad, that it's actually is quite good. The classic made-for-TV film that is often quite amusing, but for all the wrong reasons. Micheal Caine sporting blacker than black lego hair being just one of numerous reasons. Not simply content with peppering the plot with Seagal trademarks like knife wielding, semi automatic weapon handling and a frown that would snap a chopstick, Seagal wanted the film to have a heavy environmental message throughout. Our treat for the end of the film (once you get past the bad wire stunt work, angry huskies and hallucinogenic eskimo dream sequence), has Seagal's character, 'Forrest Taft', delivering a speech on pollution, corporate greed and the general fragility of Mother Earth. With oil rig villains dispatched, this is the poignant moment people, so pay attention. The speech was intended to be over 10 minutes long and thankfully was reduced to 4 minutes. Despite it's best efforts to captivate and educate, it was drowned out by the sound of seats flapping as the majority of the audience got up to leave the screening in complete disinterest. Oh dear.

See it and weep On Deadly Ground speech

Seagal doing the rounds

Golf buggie chase and movie pitch in the Orange ad
One for the ears Songs from the Crystal Cave
On TV Lawman

Like the illustration? Check out another here

Illustration: katejonesdesign.co.uk